Dating is a lot more difficult than I thought it’d be.
I thought my biggest concern would have been on how I would meet someone to date. I never really anticipated the anxiety that came with dating. Probably because I never really opened myself up to dating until recently. So I decided to try my luck at Tinder. A friend of my actually met her present boyfriend through Tinder. I hoped I could find someone too. Once I joined, I quickly realized it was all about hook ups and being friends with benefit (fwb). I wasn’t sure what exactly I was looking for but I knew I didn’t want to hook up with some stranger.
The first guy I considered dating wasn’t exactly interested in a relationship. We matched on Tinder and because friends that texted for a while but I never met him in person regardless of going to the same school. One night we were texting while my friends and I were together. I decided to invite him over and that began our short fwb relationship (feel free to judge). I was bored and he made things a bit less boring. It was different then my regular routine of school, work, and friends. It didn’t last long and we’re still friends so that’s a plus.
The second guy was someone new. From the start, I knew I couldn’t trust him. You see, he added me on Snapchat but I doubt he was honest about how he got my username. I know I put it on Tinder but why couldn’t he just admit that? There was no other way he could have gotten my user otherwise. We dated for about a month. It was fine but the lack of trust was always there. There was also the factor of him being really immature. It was always about him and what he wanted. Adding that to the fact that I wasn’t very interested after a few days, I decided to continue dating him anyways. Why? Simply because I was curious as to where it would lead. I know, I’m a terrible person. Anyways, his feelings ran a lot deeper than mine and I think he sensed that because he constantly tried to appeal to my empathy. I probably would have dated him longer if he wasn’t so narcissistic. The thing is that he wasn’t very attractive nor did he have any personality traits that would help me overlook all his cockiness. Long story short, I ended it and am much happier without him in my life.
But then something unexpected happened. We’ll just stick with the pattern and call him the third guy. So the third guy coincidentally messaged me a day after I ended things with the second guy. I thought maybe he was the player type but figured it’d be nice to have someone to talk to. I’d at least gain a friend, right? We started talking every day. They weren’t long, deep conversations just a here and there kind of thing but surprisingly, I started to like this guy. We met, played some pool, and hang out one night. After we parted way, he called me that night and asked me out on a date. Of course I said yes. The date was nice, movies then sitting in the car just talking for a while. Fast forward a few weeks and we’re still dating, getting to know each other and all that jazz. I thought things were moving really slow but still good. Turns out I was wrong because he suddenly hit me with “Thing aren’t working.”
It made me pause. After a beat, what could I say but “Okay.” I was so confused because it had completely blindsided me. We had made plans to hang out in a couple days. Because our schedules didn’t mesh well, I took off work and was excited to see him and spend more time with him. I don’t know if his intention was to lead me on but I feel like I was lead on. It stung. Here was a guy I actually wanted to date. I liked him enough but I knew I could never fall in love with him or anything. I wanted that relationship to work out. Instead we left things off with him needing to think but wanting to stay friends and me single yet again. Which is totally fine. I happen to like being single but it does get lonely.
Life isn’t fair and dating isn’t easy. You could meet a guy and be completely into him. Feel the chemistry and everything but at the end of the day, if he’s not feeling the same, that relationship isn’t going anywhere. I can’t say I’m heartbroken but I am sad that things ended before they really had chance at beginning. With the chain of bad luck in dating, I’m starting to think maybe I’m meant to be single. I’m young with plenty of time to meet someone but with no prospects I’m interested in, I’m convinced it means being forever alone. Well, at least it’ll save me from heartache.