Have you ever randomly just thought of someone you used to be close with? Nothing bad happened between you guys but they’re not exactly in your life anymore?
I was walking to class and remembered that not too long ago, I was sending good morning texts to more than a handful of friends. I used to try and check on them every day or so, just because. I know I stopped when I missed a semester due to medical reasons. I didn’t really answer them because I wasn’t in a great place at the time. And it takes effort to maintain relationships. I wasn’t putting in my part and eventually they stopped trying. That’s on me. I didn’t reached out to them or let them know what was going on. Instead I let a lot of close relationships go. Strangely enough, I don’t regret it.
It was tiring to keep up with so many people all the time. I’ve always had my group of friends that I know will stay with me (especially even when I’m being really introverted) and the other people kind of just came and went. Don’t misunderstand me though, I cherished the relationships that I let go and I’ll check on those people every now and then but I feel the distance is too far now. Like I couldn’t really fit in with them anymore or because it’s been so long, I’m not really sure what to talk about. And the thing about me, is that I don’t like feeling uncomfortable. Then again, who does? I don’t like awkward situations for the same reason. When things get awkward, I start feeling uncomfortable and my instinct is to run.
It’s like sitting in silence with someone. There are some people where you can do that with. Just sit and not feel the need to fill in the quiet but then there are some people that make you feel like you need to fill the space. And when you do, it’s just weird because forcing a conversation generally doesn’t work out. Force anything typically doesn’t work out.
Anyways, let me get back on topic. There are some friends that I lost and ended on bad terms. I don’t know if it matters anymore, but I apologize for my part. I have no ill-will towards anyone I’m no longer friends with and I hope they have no bad thoughts about me. I think life is too short to hold grudges, especially when it only hurts you. I will admit that I sometimes see those old friends on social media, my old best friend specifically, that I’ll feel hurt. I cherished that friendship very much and things didn’t end great. Years later and I’m still not sure what even happened. But whatever did happen drove a wedge into out friendship and I don’t think we’ll ever really be friends anymore. I even tried a few times after everything happened and there just didn’t seem like a point in it.
The one thing that will never change is the happiness I wish for them. I’ll always hope they’re doing okay and hope that good things happen for them. I’ll miss them occasionally and wish they were still in my life but not everyone that comes into our lives is meant to stay. No matter how much we want them to.