Breakups

Are extremely difficult. It doesn’t matter if you know it’s going to happen soon or not, they fucking hurt.

First, there’s the drastic change of not having someone there anymore. You get so used to the constant back and forth conversation throughout the day. Then it’s just gone. And of course you can stay friends with your ex but it’s also good to give yourself some space after the breakup. Something everyone told me I needed to do and I just didn’t do it until now. And I can’t even explain why I felt like I needed to stay in contact. Perhaps because of the suddenness of the breakup. I had no idea there would be an end date.

I also think that it’s just difficult for people to understand what you’re really feeling and how they could possibly understand if their heart hasn’t been broken. While I did appreciate the advice I got, I didn’t appreciate the constant disappointment when I brought him up and how I was still in contact with him. I needed to ease myself out of everything to eventually become a friend to him. I know I need space, I knew that more than anyone could tell me but I also needed to talk to him for a while longer. No one understood that and no one really asked. They knew it was hurting me to do it but it was a pain I chose because I needed it for a while.

Now I’m watching one of my closest friends go through a breakup. And I hate it. She was amazing and there for me through everything. She’s still here for me, checking up on how I’m feeling about even months later. And because I have first-hand experience, I know there’s nothing I can really do but to just continue being there for her.

The sad truth of the matter is that no one can really help you get over someone. I believe that you’ll always have love for the person you were with and that makes it difficult (if the break up ended amicably anyways). And even more difficult if you were really good friends before the romantic relationship started.

While you can support your friend and listen, there’s nothing anyone can really do. I was sad for a long time and I just didn’t want to talk to anyone but I did. Only because I know my coping methods aren’t always the healthiest mentally.

One of the toughest parts is a breakup is losing the closeness of a friend. Every relationship has to have a good foundation of friendship and the intimacy of that friendship is what makes it a good relationship. But when you break up, it’s like losing a friend. Even if you stay friends with the person. The feeling of closeness isn’t the same as before and it’s a constant reminder of that relationship being over. So not only are you losing a romantic relationship, but you’re also losing a friend. And I think that’s the main reason why it hurts so much.

You never date someone wanting to break up. Even if you know things aren’t going to last forever, you hope for it. Or you just don’t think about it. You don’t put in countless amounts of time and effort into a person only for them to walk out of the position they hold in your life. But sometimes, you do everything that you can and even when things are working, there’s no guarantee of the relationship continuing. It’s pretty sad. I mean, that’s just how life goes though right?

You try and try and try your best yet there are times when that’s just not good enough. That doesn’t mean you give up. You never give up.

You fell in love and your heart got broken. Broken things don’t have to stay broken. Yes, it will never be the same but isn’t that a good thing? After a relationship, you don’t expect to end to enter a new relationship with the same outcome, do you? Once something happens, once something breaks, you can can’t expect things to be the same. Your heart isn’t the same. And that’s okay. Heartbreak changes how you view relationships and makes you cautious in entering a new one. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, it should deter you from opening your heart again. From trying again. And you should try again.

Love is difficult and rare but it’s so, so worth it.

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