What have I done?
Why am I so selfish? I have finally allowed my pride to govern my judgement. For years, I blamed my dad for leaving and for breaking a heart he never created. I used to question myself on why he did the things that he did. Now, my worst nightmare is coming true. Because now, I am the one breaking a heart I never created. I guess I am truly my father’s son afterall. I have become the one thing I despised. And that hurts more than anything. Or maybe I just never loved her enough. I am a mess. A poor mess that never deserved a beautiful soul. A beautiful soul that has become a beautiful mess because of me. She loved me with all her heart. She wanted to build a future with me. She wanted to grow with me. She said that she would do anything to keep me happy. But I was only leading her on with my pretty words. I only loved her because she has a beautiful face. My loss. It sucks to know that the smiles I used to give her have turned to tears. The memories I made with her have turned into cries. I hope she finds the strength to move on and live her life because she truly deserves better.
I used to blame the society too. I would blame the society for all the pressures placed on guys while guys are expected to suffer in silence and “be a man”. I am not sure I know how to “be a man”. I must have skipped that class and the class about emotional intelligence in school as well. Not taking anything away from the huge pressure placed on women too, by the way. But I would blame the society for expecting guys to be rich by a certain age (like 27) while girls are only expected to be beautiful enough for marriage. I blamed everyone around me except me. I became so comfortable in my relationship that I gave my ego a chance. Looking back, she really made me happier than I had ever been. With her, I had the world on my shoulders. And then I dropped it. I gave peace the chance to destroy my strength. I found defeat in victory. My loss. Damn!!!