A few months ago I decided to end a friendship that meant a lot to me. It was my best friend of seven years and it seriously fucking hurt.
The reason I ended the friendship wasn’t because of anything big that happened. I talked about it a little bit in a previous post. It was the accumulation of little things that were shoved to the back of my mind in favor of having someone. Someone that was outside of my friend group that could be there for me when I’m trouble within my friend group. Anyways, this is something of a goodbye post to him.
Thank you for the many years of friendship. The way I ghosted you wasn’t cool in the slightest. I know I could’ve just talked to you upfront and tell you that I didn’t want to be in your life anymore or have you in mine. Maybe it was even cowardly of me to just cut out you like that but honestly? I’m not sorry for it. It might not have been the best way to end things but it was the healthiest for me to just let things go completely.
I made excuses for our friendship constantly. There were so many times that I couldn’t even believe we were still friends because of how set you are in your beliefs. I respect everyone and their beliefs but when you’re hurting someone, even believing that they deserve it… it’s not okay.
It was never okay the way you treated women. It doesn’t matter if they don’t hold significance in your life. You don’t just use people, lead them on, fuck them, and treat them however you please. It explains the lack of relationships in your life. When you treat people like nothing, why would they want to stick around? They don’t owe you anything yet you acted as if they did. Only hitting them up when you were lonely and didn’t have someone else to talk to. You treated them like they were second rate and that wasn’t okay. Even after telling you that, you never cared about changing how you treated people.
That brings me to a major key in my decision to end things. You constantly wanted to date me yet never respected that I didn’t. Yes, I admit that I thought about it but I knew it wasn’t something I really wanted to explore. You fell in love in high school and I knew how much you loved her. How much love you’ll always have for her. Tell me why anyone would ever knowingly put themselves second to someone. You made me feel so shitty for not giving you a fair chance at a romantic relationship. Even admitting that you hoped my love life didn’t work out so you could have a shot. I said no. And no means no. I know you can be sexist but that’s something everyone should understand. NO MEANS NO. You don’t make someone feel shitty about their choice. It’s theirs to make, end of. It wasn’t cool of you to try and use my vulnerability to your advantage when I got my heart broken.
Despite it all, I gave you unconditional love. I supported your every decision even if I didn’t like or agree with it. There were many times where I could feel your genuine care and interest in my life, it always seemed as if I had to work so hard for it. When I just needed a friend to listen to be vent or a shoulder to lean on, you almost never provided. Yet I always expected to jump anytime you said jump. I got criticism and was told my feelings were minor and unimportant. That hurt a lot.
I’m finished being hurt. I’m tired of having to repeat myself. I’m done making excuses for your words and your actions. And most of all, I’m tired of the lack of respect. And so, this is my goodbye. Thank you for the years we had, I truly hope you have an amazing life.