The One

Recently I was talking to one of my closest friends and she told me that I was now with my boyfriend to either break up again or to get married.

Honestly? That scared the shit out of me. I know the point of dating is to eventually settle down with someone. But when you’re younger, it’s not something you think about. Sure, you think that you love a person and you’re going to spend the rest of your life with them. But as you get older, you realize that life isn’t that easy. There are obstacles in your life that will always effect your relationship.

Sometimes you can get past things with your significant other and other times, you can’t.  There’s a high chance that wherever you are now, the person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with isn’t even in your life anymore. That’s just the way it goes. Relationships come and go. When you’re young, you don’t really think about that. Every relationship in your life feels like it’ll last forever but that’s rarely ever the case. 

As you get older and understand more about the stresses of life, you somehow manage to date despite however hectic your life is. Even then, you’re not really thinking about marriage. All you’re really thinking about it is that it’s nice to have somebody there for you at the end of the night or just someone that you can talk to in a more intimate way. 

So when my friend pointed out that I was dating my boyfriend to either break up again or to get married, I freaked out a little bit. Why? Because I didn’t really want to think about that. I know I’m at the point in my life where I’m building my strongest relationships. But from being young and learning from my experiences, I know even these relationships may not last. And that’s okay. They hurt a little more than being young but you get through them all the same. 

One day I was talking to a long-time client of mine and we were talking about relationships. I told her what my close friend said, she replied that she didn’t really think about marriage when she was with her first husband. Odd, right? Considering she did end up marrying him for a period in time. She told me that she didn’t really think about marriage until the right person came along. And that right person for her was her second and current husband.

She told me that sometimes you make a mistake the first time around. That mistake is believing that the person you’re with is the one you’re going to settle for. She hadn’t thought about marriage with her first husband because she didn’t really want to marry him. It was just the progression of the relationship. They dated for a few years and marriage seemed to be the next step. That’s not the feelings you should have when it comes to marriage.

What I got from the conversation with my client and my friend is that it truly is worth the wait. You should marry someone you are actually excited to (hopefully) spend the rest of a long life with. Someone that makes you think about marriage with hopeful, dreamy eyes rather than an “it that makes sense” type of attitude. And you absolutely shouldn’t see married life being dreadful. You should look forward to all the ups and downs that come with being attached to someone (hopefully) for the rest of your life.

Maybe it’s sappy of me but I do think everyone has someone’s that their “one.” I mean, I don’t agree with it completely. I think you have the “one” and can many a different one later on in life. The one is someone that going to be what you need at the time and hell, maybe for the rest of your life. Sometimes you know who that is and sometimes you realize who it should be. But there’s no reason to rush things. Whatever happens, will happen. And the best thing you can do is to let it. The worse thing you could do is force it. 

I guess what I’m getting at is that I don’t want to get my hopes up with anything. If my boyfriend is the one, I’ll know it eventually. Until then, I’m going to continue to put time and effort into building a strong relationship and let whatever happen when it’s supposed to. Time will tell when it’s the right time. 

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