Dating Step 4: Comfy

Being comfortable in the relationship is important. So important that I’ve mentioned it in every dating step so far. It’s a lot easier said than done. Building the foundation of the relationship takes so much time and effort. Both parties need to constantly put in the work.

And just because you’re comfortable with each other, doesn’t mean that either of you should stop putting in the time and effort. You want to constantly move forward in life, separate but together. Have that trust in each other that both your feelings are still there and that you’re still down for each other even when life places a bunch of obstacles in front of you.

Make sure you’re getting through them together. Don’t stop trying to understand your significant other. There are moments where you or your partner will feel insecure. And that’s okay. It’s natural to not feel yourself all the time. Just make sure you’re communicating that. It’s not always easy. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. Honestly, I don’t think it’s ever easy to bring up and discuss your feelings. There’s never really a “right” time for it. My advice is to just do it sooner rather than later. Make sure your significant other is the first person you tell things to (we get iffy and will absolutely feel some type of way if we’re the second to know things).

The goal is to get to the point in your relationship where you don’t have to question everything all the time. Some things you just know for sure because you know your significant other that well. I think that’s one of the best feelings in the world. Being secure in your relationship. Definitely something every girl wants. Build that security for each other. Be each other strength. And don’t forget that in a relationship, it’s not always 50:50. Sometimes it’s 80:20 or some other ratio. It’s always give and take but there are many times where you need to give more and sometimes you need to take more. Don’t feel bad about that. Just make sure you’re not always doing more of one or the other.

I put a lot of emphasis on this, do not let anyone into your relationship. It’s fine to talk to your family/friends about things and ask for advice but whatever is in your relationship, is between you and your significant other. Your family/friends won’t forget about your temporary feelings of hurt or anger. It can really damage your relationship by letting others have an opinion on it. They’re not dating your significant other, you are. At the end of the day, you need to listen to you gut and make the best decision for you and your partner. But make sure you’re talking about things together and not just making the decision for you both.

“People think that intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them and their response is ‘you’re safe with me’ – that’s intimacy.”

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: A novel by Taylor Jenkins Reid

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