New People & New Chances

Fucking frightening. I hate it. I mean, I meet a bunch of people every day but I’ll likely never see them again. It takes the pressure off. I don’t really have to engage with them as much or get too personal.

But, when I’m being asked out by guys I match with on an app, I’m so hesitant in agreeing to meet with them in person and I have no idea why. I know that being nervous is probably natural but it just doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest. I have a cousin that uses Tinder regularly for hookups and whatever and I have no idea how she does it. I seriously don’t think dating apps are for me but it doesn’t seem like meeting people organically it possible anymore. Everything’s through an app. It’s so impersonal and adds pressure to when you actually meet the person face to face.

On one level, I don’t really care if I meet someone and they end up not liking me or we just don’t vibe the same as we do through messaging. But another part of me is also scared of getting my hopes up. What if the person is nothing like they seem. I know most things and people aren’t what they seem and that I won’t really know unless I physically meet them but… I don’t know. Do I really want to take that chance? Am I even ready to date?

I like the newness of talking to guys I could possibly hang out with and maybe date, but I don’t really want to waste my time or effort or emotions. It takes me a long time to really get comfortable with people. And I’ve always been the type to just know whether or not I’ll like a person after maybe 5 minutes conversing with them. Maybe I judge too quickly but I always try to go with my guts when it comes to people. So far, it’s worked pretty well. I mean, I’ve ignored it plenty but I ended up hurting.

I feel like when it’s right, you just know. I don’t mean just for romantic relationships (I always mean it in general for any relationship). There are a few people I’ve met that I knew I absolutely would not get along with so I won’t even bother. Sometimes I do and wonder why the fuck I did because they turn out to be exactly what and who I thought they’d be.

I get blind sometimes when it comes to guys I’m interested in. There have been sooo many times where I liked the idea of a person more than I actually like the person. I kind of turn a blind eye to the shit they do/say that I normally wouldn’t stand for. For example, my old best friend. He could be very sexist, close-minded, and narcissistic. Three of my biggest pet peeves. If you can even call it that, I feel like it’s not a strong enough word to express my annoyance. But because we’ve been friends for so long, I was used to making excuses for him and just brushing it off for the sake of our friendship. Eventually I had enough and ended the friendship (something I’ve written about here and here).

It makes me question my judgment of people. I try to focus on the positives and maybe I shouldn’t do that so much. It’s either that or I’m nitpicking at everything. I need to find a good balance. Trusting my gut while also giving people a real chance to show me that I’m wrong. To open my eyes to not only the positives but the negatives of people before I focus on only the one and make excuses for it.

I’d love to hear from you guys on the matter. Give me some advice here.

Are there good ways to be cautious and keep an open-mind when it comes to meeting new people?

Is there a good way to go about meeting new people that won’t give me a shit ton of anxiety?

And what the heck do you talk about if you do meet up with them?

How do you decide whether or not someone is worth letting in?

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