Doing Something That Matters

“Make something beautiful before you are dead”

– Some guy I used to love from YouTube that turned out to be a terrible person

These words have been ringing in my head a lot recently. See, I’m a recent college grad and I’m working some dead-end jobs trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my life. And I’ve been struggling with the idea of “what’s it all about” since graduation. Before it was clear and well defined. I went to school to get my degree. There was a plan with a clear end date and end goal. But now what? Things aren’t so clear. You work and go home, work and go home, work, have a day off and see your friends, then go to work again. That’s what it seems like at least. And I’ve realized, that for me personally, that isn’t enough. I want to make something beautiful before I die. I want my legacy to go past what I did for a living and where I lived  and who I knew. Those things are so important to me, but there needs to be more. I want to make something, leave my mark on the world, have something that people can look at and say “oh yea she did that!” I’ve been struggling to know what that could be though. There are so many things. Deep down, and this is a dream I don’t share with everyone (except the entire internet apparently), but I want to be famous. I want to be successful. I don’t know what exactly I want to do, but I do deep down want to be famous. 

I’m your classic smart-kid that was told they were gifted their whole life and now feels the need to be better than everyone else but can’t keep my head above water 90% of the time. It’s the age-old quest to be famous and “make it big”. I know it’s easy to want something and try and make it happen, and it’s a dream so many people have and don’t see come true, but deep in me, I am hopeful. As I write this, something inside me just says “keep pushing, your time will come”. Maybe that’s just me having faith, maybe it’s confidence, maybe everyone with this dream gets that feeling inside of them. Or maybe not. 

Regardless, I want to do something beautiful. I want to have the fame to influence people to be better people. I want to have the money to buy food for everyone homeless person I see. I want to spite every person that hasn’t thought I’m worth a damn. Maybe I’ll accomplish these things, and maybe I won’t, but either way, I’m going to try. I may be starting a YouTube channel soon to try and really get out of my comfort zone and figure out what my strengths and weaknesses are. So stay tuned for that.

I understand there’s probably no coherent plot to this post, but I think it was more about getting my hopes and dreams out there and really allowing myself to accept my goals. So thank you for reading and indulging my narcissism. ‘Til next time.


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