I’m an insomniac. Have been since before I can remember. I’m tired as hell all the time, but sometimes I don’t mind it.
There are times where the whole world seems silent. Like it’s stopped. Sounds crazy but there’s serenity in silence if you don’t go looking for noise. I love those nights. Where the silence surrounds you like a warm comforter. It’s peaceful.
With it being summer, I’m at work almost every day. Working ten hour days, five or six fucking days a week and it’s exhausting. I’m also always around people. The only time I seem to get where I’m actually alone, is when I’m making the long ass commute home. Then I have a couple hours to relax before I have to try and sleep so I can go right back to work the next day. It’s depressing and I’m fucking depressed, but hey, at least I’m making money right? That’s what I’m trying to remind myself of. I’m working so much so I can have a better future. Especially since I’ll need to cut back my hours when the semester starts up.
That’s also depressing. So lately, the silence has been my solace. The few moments in the night where everything seems stills and there’s not a sound around me that I can hear. Living in Philly means that it’s pretty rare. There’s typically some kind of noise you can hear. And usually, I love that.
When you’re working all day, constantly around people you actually have to talk to. By the time I get home, I’m drained from it all. Yet by the time I go to bed, I can’t actually sleep. It’s frustrating. Or at least it used to be. I’ve accepted my insomniac ways. I don’t try to force myself to sleep anymore. It generally ends up with me being uncomfy. Now I just let myself fall asleep whenever my body decides it’s time to sleep. And while I wait for the long waited sleep, I relish the silence. Usually ending up with my phone or iPad in my hand to read a book or some manga.
Try to embrace the quietness around you. Life is so hectic and it doesn’t slow down. There aren’t going to be many chances to just be.