Why Can’t You…

My mind immediately does on defense when I hear those words. It usually follows, why can’t you be nicer so that people will find you approachable. Why? Because I don’t give a fuck about what people think about me. I sure as shit don’t want them approaching me if they’ve already judged me solely based on one look at me.

I’ve already wasted so much of myself, biting my tongue so that people will like me. I’ve always been told I wasn’t lady-like or I wasn’t enough like this person or that person. Why couldn’t I be like her or her or her? Because I’m not her. I’ll never be her and I don’t want to be. I’m just me. And I’m pretty damn happy with the person I’m becoming.

I’m learning to speak my mind more. To do things I want to do even if it’s a little scary at first. To pay no mind to those around me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life concerned over what other people might think of my words or actions. It’s not my job to make people understand. They either do or don’t. I don’t owe them an explanation.

My mind immediately does on defense when I hear those words. It usually follows, why can’t you be nicer so that people will find you approachable. Why? Because I don’t give a fuck about what people think about me. I sure as shit don’t want them approaching me if they’ve already judged me solely based on one look at me. 

I’ve already wasted so much of myself, biting my tongue so that people will like me. I’ve always been told I wasn’t lady-like or I wasn’t enough like this person or that person. Why couldn’t I be like her or her or her? Because I’m not her. I’ll never be her and I don’t want to be. I’m just me. And I’m pretty damn happy with the person I’m becoming.

I’m learning to speak my mind more. To do things I want to do even if it’s a little scary at first. To pay no mind to those around me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life concerned over what other people might think of my words or actions. It’s not my job to make people understand. They either do or don’t. I don’t owe them an explanation nor am I vying for their validation. 

I think that’s the biggest reason why people always think I should be something I’m not. They lack self-validation and seek it elsewhere. I may be an insecure little shit, but I don’t need someone else to tell me it’s okay to be myself. I don’t need people to like me based on physical appearance or a fake personality. I see that far too often. People who are so eager to please and be praised. Hell, I grew up around it. Take my cousin for example (the one I don’t get alone with). She’ll call me a bitch for not validating her when she fishes for it. I’m not your fucking keeper, I don’t need to validate you. That’s your responsibility. Accept yourself and then maybe you won’t need everyone else to tell you it’s okay to be you. 

One of my oldest cousin’s once said that “She’s so fake, she doesn’t even know who she is anymore.” That’s when I felt sympathy. Only for a second until I remembered how much of a bitch she always is to me. He wasn’t talking about me if that wasn’t already obvious. I never want to be untrue to myself just to appeal to whatever crowd I’m around and I hope like hell I never betray myself that way. Thankfully, I have some special people in my life that will put me in check and remind me of who I am if I need it. 

Always true to yourself even if it’s easier to be whatever person the people around you want you to me. And if you are surrounded by those people, just know they don’t accept you and encourage you to be someone you’re not. 

I’m learning to speak my mind more. To do things I want to do even if it’s a little scary at first. To pay no mind to those around me. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life concerned over what other people might think of my words or actions. It’s not my job to make people understand. They either do or don’t. I don’t owe them an explanation.


“Never get your sense of worth from outside yourself. Never fall into the trap of thinking that who you are is not enough and that you need other people’s approval, love and validation in order to feel that you’re of value. Never allow external things, places, people and circumstances to determine or tell you how much you’re worth. It’s called self-worth, not others’ worth.”

Luminita D. Saviuc

2 thoughts on “Why Can’t You…

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