I used to never understand why people friendzoned people that they seem to really like and enjoy spending time with. Now I get it.
Throughout my life I’ve had many guy friends. Hell, people used to think I was a whore because I really only hung around guys when I was younger (by younger, I mean in my pre-teens and teens). I didn’t care what they thought though. Those guys basically adopted me into their families, I loved them and they loved me. They were like brothers I never had and it was really nice.
I’m positive it’s why I’m such a guys girl. I’m the girl guys want to just be friend with. And that’s okay for the most part. 97% of the time, that’s what I assume. The 3% left is what fucks me up all the time. I cannot tell you many times I’ve accidentally friendzoned a guy that I actually like and want to date. But when I show no interest, they eventually move on. IT SUCKS.
Now that I’m older and much more experienced with life, I’m much more aware of what I’m saying and doing. I mean, it’s not going to change what I say or do. More so how I approach it. When it comes to guys I’m friends with, I’m still so blind to their feelings about me. They liked me and I just didn’t see them that way. The chemistry for a relationship wasn’t there nor was the sexual attraction.
And let me tell you how unreasonably bad I felt for that. I hate that I’m not attracted to the guys that like me, the ones I’m friends with and genuinely treat me well. Dating would be so much easier. It makes it worse when you know they have a thing for you. It’s like a switch goes off in my head, “I gotta play dumb.” Guys don’t want the dumb girl for a long-term relationship. They want the girl that can give and take as much as they do. That includes intellectually. I do my absolute best to turn them off any feelings they have for me. I don’t want to hurt them and I value their friendship.
Sometimes it works, other times they think its cute. It’s a weird reaction that always depends on the person and the friendship that was already established.
I realized I haven’t really made a point yet. My point today is that being in the friendzone sucks. But sometimes, we can’t help it because we’re not attracted to the person we’re friendzoning. Even if we want to like that in that way, it just doesn’t work that way. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to (my friend texted me that – shout out to Tonietti, an occasional writer for this blog).
There are so many things you can’t control even when it’s about yourself. Your feelings are one of them. You can control your reaction to people but never how you truly feel about them. It’s impossible for me, but you shouldn’t feel bad about it. It helps to talk to that friend that has made it clear they’re interested something more with you and just make it clear that you don’t see them in a romantic way. It’s a shitty conversation, but sometimes necessary.
Unless of course you’re like me and prefer to ignore and run away from your problems even when you claim to be a mature adult. Feelings still scare me. Commitment still scares me. Losing a friend will always scares me.
Don’t be a bitch like me. Don’t assume people just want to be friends or vice versa, don’t assume they want something more. Talk about it. It’s one conversation that can answer so many questions and let you know where you stand with people.
I apologize for the lack of posts the past few weeks. I haven’t been great mentally and I never want to write a fluff piece. I strive to always be honest in my writing and to never write some bullshit piece just to have something to post to get more followers.