2019

This is going to be my last post of the decade and I need to say something that has taken me a decade and that is, I fucking love myself.

I’ve experienced so many facets of myself and finally, I’m finding the courage to be more of me without reluctance. For so long I made life insufferable by being so damn mean to myself. And I have no idea why.

Recently, I’ve been learn to not let my depression control me so completely. My anxiety is still off the charts high but I’m no longer letting it cripple me in my words and actions. I realized how stuck I felt. I didn’t feel like I was growing as a person anymore and it was because I was so afraid to be me.

I’m a terrible person, but at the same time, I have the biggest heart. I used to be so confident in myself, I used to not worry about anything. I didn’t have stressors and responsibilities that took over my life. I just lived for whatever moment that came next. Then I grew up and shit happened. I became guarded and cautious of everything. I stop letting myself live so freely.

This year has been a lot for me. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. It made me acknowledge and validate myself in the best ways. I learned to see myself the way the people who love me see me and that is a ray of fucking sunshine. And it’s warm, inviting, and beautiful. Much like me.

This is the person I am, take all of me or leave. I’m tired of second guessing myself and tip toeing around. I don’t want to hold myself back anymore and I’m positive the new year will hold a lot of positive and negatives, as life always does. But I’m ready to tackle each and everything head on and learn just a little bit more about myself.

Happy News Years everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I hope my writing resonates and helps. I know it helps me. Please be safe and remember that happiness, begins with a decision.

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