Dating Step 3: Gettin’ Down and Dirty ;)

Totally kidding, unless you’re into that. I don’t judge.

If it wasn’t completely clear, we’re talking about sex here. With all the talking and dating, eventually it’s going to led to a physical relationship. Not always, but most of the time your relationship is going to advance to the sex aspect. This is a huge part of the intimacy (not the only piece though).

I discussed it previously but communication and comfort is vital, especially when it comes to sex. Make sure you’re comfortable enough in your relationship to discuss sex openly. It’s just another learning aspect of the relationship. You need to talk about what works, what doesn’t, what you like, what they like. Most people just jump into sex and sometimes that just works for them. Sexual chemistry is a huge thing (lol, I’m immature). But seriously, being sexually attracted to someone is important in the relationship.

But don’t get me wrong, sex isn’t always important to people but this post isn’t for those people. I’m definitely not one of them. I couldn’t imagine being with someone that I didn’t want to sleep with. I enjoy sex and I’m not afraid to admit it. So for me, sexual chemistry is right up there as a dealbreaker. And I absolutely need to feel comfortable with my partner. Some guys, don’t take constructive criticism well. Don’t be that guy. I repeat, do not be that guy.

I don’t care if you’ve had sex with dozens of people, what worked before might not always work. Be secure enough to talk about that stuff and change it up! Don’t be afraid to explore together. And more importantly, don’t be afraid to laugh together. Sex should be fun! Experiment and have fun while you’re doing it. Be comfortable enough with your partner to joke around about it afterwards or hell, even during. Don’t be scared that you’re doing something wrong, it’s all a part of learning about each other’s bodies.

I promise you (maybe not everyone) but we do think about the physical relationship and all that goes on. All the good, bad, and hella awkward parts. I always remember pausing to laugh at something or even to stopping in the middle of sex to watch something on the TV for a few and going right back down to business. I loved those moments. I remember them fondly and it always makes me think about my partner (not that I have one anymore, *sigh*).

And the absolute most important thing, do not compare. You might have many relationships and if you’re serious about the person, do not compare them to your experiences before. You’re with a new person. Take that time to learn and share a physical connection with someone that is solely with them. Never compare them to an ex.

Dating Step 2: Issa Dates!

The best conversations are done face to face so take her out on dates!

A lot of people think of dates as pricey but they don’t have to be. Go for a freaking walk, hang out at park, go swing on swings! Sky’s the limit with dates. Ask her out, frequently. Be spontaneous about it but also have dates that are well thought out and planned. Doing a variety of things together can be really fun and you get to create memories that she’ll absolutely smile about later on.

I know that I constantly see things and it’ll remind me of something I did with someone. It doesn’t always have to be romantic. I’ve probably said it a million times but it is so so important to have a good friendship in order to have a good romantic relationship. The best part about a romantic relationship and differs from a friendship is the intimacy.

The most important aspect of intimacy is comfort. Building a level of comfort with each other is so important in opening up to the the intimate aspects of your relationship. Obviously, you do this by communicating and what better way than to go on dates! You can learn so much about someone while on a date. Their reactions, pieces of their personality, how, what, and why they think the way they do. I love going out on dates with a significant other and with friends.

New experiences. That’s what I love about dates. There are so many things I want to do and learn about. For example, I love wolves. And I happened to learn about a wolf-dog sanctuary not too far away. I thought it’d make an awesome date so I planned it and took my significant other (now ex). I remember him telling me afterwards that it was a really cool experience and that he wouldn’t have thought about looking something like the up. I got to do something I really wanted to (which was petting a bunch of wolf-dogs) and I got to share a unique experience with the person I like. I loved that feelings. Exploring and discovering new things and sharing that with someone.

Just a little tangent to prove that dates are important. It helps you build a connection that will go a long way in building a good/happy relationship.

Strange Chronicles 2: 4

You see, people like you amuse me. You go around thinking that you are above, and better than, everyone and acting like your authority can’t be questioned. You think that a great leader is someone who is better than everyone else. But you are ignorant enough to ignore the fact that a great leader is someone who makes everyone else around him better. As much as I would love to insult you right now, I would not do that. Because doing that would mean that I am stooping low to your level of immaturity. I am very sure this isn’t who you used to be. You were a vibrant young kid who wanted to do something great in the world. You were so eager to go into the world and make a difference. You wanted things to be easy for you and your loved ones and you wanted to be the one to make that difference. What changed? Who hurt you? Because somehow, someway, you have missed it. Do you think that vibrant little kid will be happy with who you are right now? Would your parent be happy with the person you become? Would the God you worship be happy with His creation? Why don’t you look in the mirror and be 100% honest with yourself. Why don’t we talk about the hard truth? That you are a very insecure person with egotistical issue who thinks he can always get things to go his way. I don’t know who hurt you at one point in time that made you think you can get revenge on the world. Judging by our time together, you have disappointed me and more importantly, you have disappointed yourself. I don’t want to believe that is who you really are though. I want to believe that there is a good in you. However, what goes around comes around. Funny thing about life is that whatever you give out, it always seem to come back in bigger ways. So for your sake, I am going to hope. I hope you find your peace. I hope you get on your knees and forgive yourself. I hope your loved ones don’t betray you when you need them the most. I hope the people in positions above you don’t use their powers to destroy you simply because of things that you can’t control. And most importantly, I hope you become a better person that this world needs and not the type that brings tears to his loved ones. I hope it makes you happy that you made me sad. Congratulations!! Again, I won’t insult you. However, karma is something I can’t control and I am sure that life will do its thing.

Greetings from my beloved ex,

Stranger.

Strange Chronicle 2: 3

Dark times. Those are the times when nothing makes sense anymore. The times when you just can’t help but ask why it’s all happening to you. The times when it feels like the walls are caving in on you. These are the times when it feels lonely. And don’t you just hate the fact that no one really truly feel what you feel inside? However, these are the times when we have to dig deep in order to find something to hold on to, in order not to lose who we are. It’s never easy, but whatever we hold on to is what will keep us afloat during the test of time. What if we all feel empty inside? If so, we should all be able to support each other even if we don’t fully understand the feelings, right?. We can be there for each other. No matter the troubles or the problems, we can support each other through it all. Thorns, storms, whatever it is , we can be there for each other.

But in order to save someone else, I have to save myself. Unfortunately, they don’t understand. So am just going to be alone and alienate myself from the world and just hope. Hope, as time passes and the tears roll down my cheeks. These are my dark times, my dark moments, my dark thoughts, my dark flaws. But will I let these times define me? No. I will rise. I will fight. And I will conquer. It’s never too late but you have to give all you have from this moment. With focus and determination, you should pick yourself up, dust yourself up, lace yourself up, and strive for the top. And no, don’t give up until the day you are able to say with full pride and happiness……. I made it

Grazie, Stranger.

Readers!

I just wanted to post a quick thank you, old and new! I’ve been getting a lot of traffic lately and it’s an awesome feeling. I love writing and I know the Stranger does too. We both appreciate the support and hope to continue reaching more people!

I’m definitely going to try to incorporate more images and other media. There may be some new pages coming soon!

In the meantime, if there’s ever a topic that you’d like to read about, don’t be shy. Contact me, I’d love to write about it and maybe the Stranger would too!

Dating Step 1: Talking

Let me help you get a girlfriend from a girl’s perspective! Not that I’m an expert or anything.

This is so so so fucking important. Conversation opens the doors for the possibility of a relationship.

From a girl’s perspective, there’s no such thing as too much conversation. When we’re first getting to know someone, we’re really getting an idea of how a relationship would work (at least I do). How much time, attention, and detail you’re going into is important. I know, talking shouldn’t seem so complicated. And it’s not. Honesty is everything. If you’re being asked a question, answer honestly. I’m not asking for my health (well, maybe my mental health because guys are just not great for your health), getting an answering shouldn’t feel like I have to pull teeth.

Do the best you can to communicate. Sometimes, it’s too early to divulge into certain topics and that’s okay. Just let her know that it’s not something you want to talk about right now. Talking gets easier the more you do it. You’ll feel more comfortable and find yourself wanting to talk more. Your goal is to be the first person she wants to tell things to. Become her best friend! Everybody knows a strong relationships is based on an even stronger friendship. You can only get there by gradually opening up.

Communication is where most people fail (me included). It’s difficult and sometimes you don’t realize how much you’re not saying because you’re so accustomed to it. Your secrets are your own. But if you really want to be with someone long-term, build a life with them, you have to build trust. And that comes from entrusting the deepest parts of your life to someone. It’s risky and fucking frightening but the payoff is worth it.

It’s important to remember that everybody has different dynamics and values. Talking is a universal dynamic that needs to be clear. It’s really setting the standard of communication moving forward into a relationship or wherever it is that you want.

Confused

So, a few weeks ago I ended my romantic relationship. At first, it felt like it was the right decision. And it still does, but it’s also very confusing.

Every day that went by, I couldn’t help think that I didn’t really want to date anymore. I love getting to know people but honestly, I hate dating. It’s so nerve-wracking and I’m already a hella nervous person.

I was talking to my oldest friend yesterday to get a male perspective and it helped so much. He’s very similar to my (now) ex in the way he communicates his feelings, which is he doesn’t really do it. It’s all about looking at their actions. I’ve always looked at actions for the truth but being the person I am, I also needed to hear it.

I’ll admit that I can be very annoying about feelings. I’ve come a long way in learning how to express mine through words and apparently, I forgot how long it took me to get to this point and that maybe some people aren’t there or even want to be there yet. So when I ask about feelings, I always want an immediate answer (because it’s seriously anxiety inducing to wait). BUT, it really wasn’t cool of me to do that. It takes a lot of time and thought to sort how your feelings, even more if your mind is just constantly jumbled with other things.

Anyways, my ex finally texted me and got everything off his chest. Which is awesome really. Really proud of him and appreciate that he took the time to do that and tell me about it even though he no longer had to. It made a huge difference and made me extremely confused. The way he said it seemed like he still wanted to be together but he’s not huge on choosing his words carefully. Where I analyze everything and choose my words wisely, he uses the ones that do enough to get his thoughts across but they’re not always clear.

Like seriously, I should just ask. But I’m tired of always asking about that stuff. I figured I’d just leave the ball in his court. I may have ended things, but it’s not like I wanted them to end. I think we have a strong relationship that needs a lot of work. I’m fine with us just being friends, I guess. There’s always going to be a part of me that will want him as more than a friend, but if he just wanted to be friends… I’m here for that. But if he wants more, he’s going to have to initiate that conversation. I have no idea what’s going on.

When I hung out with him post-relationship, it seemed like he kept trying to be close to me (at least physically). Me being the weak bitch that I am avoided him as much as I could. Made sure to not sit next to him, didn’t flirt, didn’t bend over when he stood behind me (don’t judge me, I’m a hoe like that), not stand too close, shit, i didn’t even make eye contact and I’m huge on eye contact. I was scared. When we’re together, it’s so easy to forget everything. I love being with him and being around him. It’s not like I can hide or forget that we have a unique connection. Our personalities just fit, if that makes sense. It’s hard to understand unless you’ve really felt it before.

It’s hard not to just bring it up. I’m very type A about most things. Like do you want to be in a relationship with me??? Do you just wanna be friends??? If I’m wondering, I’m looking for the answer or demanding it. Really bad habit. That’s how I’ve been going through life so it’s hard to change. I need to stop the chasing him and see if I’m worth chasing to him. I don’t really know what I want, being together or not that is. Okay, that’s a lie. I absolutely know but that’s another conversation for a different time.

Hope you guys enjoy my clutter fuck of a life so far. I promise you, I’m only getting more lost and confused as I get older.