Overwhelmed

I’m pretty sure the number one definition of being overwhelmed is school. There’s nothing like the pressures of needing get your gpa as high as possible.

I’m the type that’s absolutely terrible at testing. Nor am I academically inclined. I do homework for hours and study for even more, the best I can get most of the time is a B and an occasional A if it’s some kind of open discussion class that makes you write papers based on your opinion.

I just withdrew from a class to focus on two other classes that I absolutely couldn’t fail. However, I spent all of Saturday night doing homework for the accounting class I decided to withdraw from. Had I made the decision earlier, I would have had more time to study for my MIS exam (Management Information Systems, which happens to be my major). I failed that exam in case you were wondering.

I hate school. With a passion. Why? Because I’m so bad at it. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I’m just not good enough. Day after day, I constantly wonder if I’m even smarter enough to finish college. It’s one of my biggest fears.

College is important. Getting a degree is constantly stressed. You can’t get a good job without an even better degree. What they don’t tell you is it’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know. It’s a line thrown around but never really stressed as important. College is absolute hell.

Professors give you tons of work as if you’re only taking their class. It’s all about time management and balance. I’m great at planning time out but actually sticking to it is seriously difficult. I’m terrible at it.

So often I put up a front and pretend everything is okay. But I always feel like I’m in over my head. I pretend like bad grades don’t get me depressed or make me even more disappointed in myself.

I remember getting my scores back from Economics and not wanting to leave for a good month. I did of course. Life goes on. I still beat myself over every bad grade. Knowing that if I applied myself more, maybe I could have done better.

I can’t change the past though. All I can do is try harder and hope hope for the best.