Buns

A friend of mine made a really good point last night. Why are buns on men called “man buns” while on a woman, it’s just a bun?

Is it sexist? We came to the conclusion that it is. My theory is that men having their hair in a bun wasn’t a common trend until very recently. And because it wasn’t common, it was differentiated to put more attention towards males that dare to do something different with their hair.

I know a few people that absolutely love a good bun on a guy (me included). There’s something artsy about them, sometimes even rugged and my oh my is it attractive.

Although I have to say when I see a guy with a bun, I get just a little envious at how perfectly it sits on his head. I think we females understand the difficulties of getting the bun to sit just right. Don’t even get me started on the struggles of a “messy bun.” For a messy bun, it sure takes a lot of effort.

Moral of this little blurb, “man buns” should just be called buns. Sure, “man bun” is catchy and slides off the tongue but a hairstyle shouldn’t be gender specific. There’s nothing wrong with a man wearing his hair in a bun. I firmly believe men that can pull off the look should 100% put it up. I’ll even give you a hair tie if you show me how you’ve mastered the art of a perfect bun!

Nursing homes.

I hate them. Why? Because I work in one and constantly see the sadness the residents feel. There are some residents with Alzheimer’s or Dementia who don’t completely understand what’s going on around them. They come up and ask me where they are, where their family is, all sorts of questions that just break my heart. Sometimes they get so frustrated. They tell me they want to go home and I have to explain to them that this place is their home.

Now I get that people might not time to take care of their love ones but they could at least visit more. The residents miss their family. It’s easy to get lonely or depressed. Some even get angry that they can’t leave to go home.

I had one resident, crying while she told me that the agitated residents getting angry about wanting to go home are just saying what everyone in the facility feels. She told me how she wanted to live in the same facility as her husband who has dementia but her healthcare provides for her needs better in Jersey than Pennsylvania. She’s one of the nicest people, loves to read and talk about her books, does tons of puzzle games and whatnot to keep herself entertained. I hate that I can’t really do more than converse with her and get her word puzzle books to occupy her time.

The only stimulation these residents get is conversation and activities that happen a handful of hours a day. But it gets boring. Playing the same games with the same people. Then the most conversation they get is if they can come to the front desk where I can talk with them because I can’t leave the desk unintended. Some residents can’t get up though and that’s another issue I can’t resolve. Other times resident talk with nurses that are typically busy monitoring all the other residents. So the conversation is usually cut short.

I wish there was more I could do. I wish their friends and families would visit more often. I wish they didn’t have to be here at all. Being in a nursing home is lonely. I hate them but I understand it’s a necessary option for people that need the 24/7 monitoring.

It’s hard seeing so many lonely people that don’t have a choice but to stay put in a facility where they see the same things day after day.

However, I think the hardest part of my job is when someone passes away and their relatives learn about it. I had one relative ask me how I did what I do. Being at the front desk means I’m everyone connection and have to know everything going on in the building. So when someone passes I’m the one that typically has to inform their relatives when they come in to visit.

Anyways, the best answer I could give was that it was life. With life comes death. Knowing there’s nothing you can do to stop it, all you can do is live the best you can. When it comes to relatives in nursing homes, you do what you can to fill the rest of their time with joy. Be by their side and let them know that you’ll be okay. Thank them for everything they’ve done and make sure they’re ready to go without regrets.

It probably wasn’t the best answer but on the spot, that’s the best I could explain. It’s a complex situation. I’d love to work somewhere else but the thought of leaving the residents I’ve befriends makes my heart heavy.

Life truly is so short. You blink and years have gone by. And as humans, we’re only here for a short amount of time. So live.

Live life the way you want. And don’t waste your time trying to please others. At the end of the day, it’s your happiness on the line. Choose to be happy and do everything you can to make it happen.

Bad Luck in the Dating Game

Dating is a lot more difficult than I thought it’d be.

I thought my biggest concern would have been on how I would meet someone to date. I never really anticipated the anxiety that came with dating. Probably because I never really opened myself up to dating until recently. So I decided to try my luck at Tinder. A friend of my actually met her present boyfriend through Tinder. I hoped I could find someone too. Once I joined, I quickly realized it was all about hook ups and being friends with benefit (fwb). I wasn’t sure what exactly I was looking for but I knew I didn’t want to hook up with some stranger.

The first guy I considered dating wasn’t exactly interested in a relationship. We matched on Tinder and because friends that texted for a while but I never met him in person regardless of going to the same school. One night we were texting while my friends and I were together. I decided to invite him over and that began our short fwb relationship (feel free to judge). I was bored and he made things a bit less boring. It was different then my regular routine of school, work, and friends. It didn’t last long and we’re still friends so that’s a plus.

The second guy was someone new.  From the start, I knew I couldn’t trust him. You see, he added me on Snapchat but I doubt he was honest about how he got my username. I know I put it on Tinder but why couldn’t he just admit that? There was no other way he could have gotten my user otherwise. We dated for about a month. It was fine but the lack of trust was always there. There was also the factor of him being really immature. It was always about him and what he wanted. Adding that to the fact that I wasn’t very interested after a few days, I decided to continue dating him anyways. Why? Simply because I was curious as to where it would lead. I know, I’m a terrible person. Anyways, his feelings ran a lot deeper than mine and I think he sensed that because he constantly tried to appeal to my empathy. I probably would have dated him longer if he wasn’t so narcissistic. The thing is that he wasn’t very attractive nor did he have any personality traits that would help me overlook all his cockiness. Long story short, I ended it and am much happier without him in my life.

But then something unexpected happened. We’ll just stick with the pattern and call him the third guy. So the third guy coincidentally messaged me a day after I ended things with the second guy. I thought maybe he was the player type but figured it’d be nice to have someone to talk to. I’d at least gain a friend, right? We started talking every day. They weren’t long, deep conversations just a here and there kind of thing but surprisingly, I started to like this guy. We met, played some pool, and hang out one night. After we parted way, he called me that night and asked me out on a date. Of course I said yes. The date was nice, movies then sitting in the car just talking for a while. Fast forward a few weeks and we’re still dating, getting to know each other and all that jazz. I thought things were moving really slow but still good. Turns out I was wrong because he suddenly hit me with “Thing aren’t working.”

It made me pause. After a beat, what could I say but “Okay.” I was so confused because it had completely blindsided me. We had made plans to hang out in a couple days. Because our schedules didn’t mesh well, I took off work and was excited to see him and spend more time with him. I don’t know if his intention was to lead me on but I feel like I was lead on. It stung. Here was a guy I actually wanted to date. I liked him enough but I knew I could never fall in love with him or anything. I wanted that relationship to work out. Instead we left things off with him needing to think but wanting to stay friends and me single yet again. Which is totally fine. I happen to like being single but it does get lonely.

Life isn’t fair and dating isn’t easy. You could meet a guy and be completely into him. Feel the chemistry and everything but at the end of the day, if he’s not feeling the same, that relationship isn’t going anywhere. I can’t say I’m heartbroken but I am sad that things ended before they really had chance at beginning. With the chain of bad luck in dating, I’m starting to think maybe I’m meant to be single. I’m young with plenty of time to meet someone but with no prospects I’m interested in, I’m convinced it means being forever alone. Well, at least it’ll save me from heartache.

Going back to school…

It’s a bittersweet feeling. On one hand, you’re excited to be back on campus. The campus buzzing with energy of freshman experiencing everything for the first time, fraternities/sororities recruiting for rush, parents saying goodbye to their babies, all the organizations/clubs pushing for you to check out their booth. There’s so much stimulation that you can’t help but get excited for the semester to start up again. Meeting new people, taking new classes, moving forward in your educational path.

Then, classes actually start. You’re waking up to take an 8am you really didn’t want but couldn’t avoid. You’re struggling to manage working, school, and having a social life. You want to cram every event possible but there just aren’t that many hours in a day. Instead of conversing with new friends you met during orientation or reuniting with friends you haven’t seen all summer, you’re busy getting a handle of your workload. You’re neurotic about writing everything into your planner because you’re afraid to miss an important date.

Time manageable is the most difficult aspect of college. I think many students would agree. But it’s one of the key to succeed in college.

There are plenty of courses that require a lot of extra studying. But you also want some downtime to just relax without knocking your brain. What do you do?

The first step is to jump on the train when registering for courses. You want the absolute best times. This calls for careful planning. College typically sends an email about courses opening for registration. You should see your counselor immediately.

Get an idea of what classes you need to take, how heavy the course load might be, and what general classes would benefit you in other classes you need to take that semester. (I promise, those gen eds are useful in other classes or even discussions outside of class).

Once you have a list of what classes you need. You need to start looking up classes and professors. There’s nothing worse than getting stuck with a professor that will drone on and on in a lecture. You want a professor that actually wants you to succeed and offers all the resources to make that happen. An engaging professor.

Sure, it’s a ton of work to look like classes, dates, times, professors, even taking the building where the class will be into consideration but it makes planning a ton easier once you obtain that information.

Next is planning out your schedule so that you have sufficient time to do your assignments and study.

Take biology and chemistry for example. Both heavy classes with no doubt endless amounts of work. You want to space out those classes so that you actually have time to prepare for them. I would advise not taking them on the same day (unless there’re just lectures). If you happen to have an exam in both classes, studying for them both to take in one day is extremely difficult.

That’s another thing. Lectures and classrooms. Some majors require a lab. This is where you have a professor lecturing on the topic and another class where you actually apply those lectures. (Happens a lot with science majors).

Once you have a draft of your schedule, I suggest finding a few alternative classes so that if you can’t get into one, you have a backup without going crazy looking for another class in the same subject matter last minute.

Once courses are open to register action, you want to get registered as quick as possible no matter what time they open. Believe me, you’re not the only one sitting at the computer ready to register.

By planning way ahead of time, you leave yourself time once the semester starts to plan your social outings and study days. It’s all about time management in college. You want to be there and really experience college life rather than just going to classes and going home to study. Enjoy all that college has to offer. I hear time flies in a blink of an eye.

A Best Friend

Isn’t someone you’ve known for the longest or have everything in common with. Sometimes it’s the person that is the exact opposite of you. But despite that, the two of you can sit and talk about everything and anything. The best is when time and distance means nothing. Even if you haven’t talked in a while because you’re too busy with life or whatever, none of that matters. When you get the chance, you can talk for hours without running out of topics and there’s no lingering awkwardness.

Even in a group, there is always the two that are closer. That doesn’t mean you can’t have more than one best friend. In a group, there’s always going to be someone who knows something about you another person might not. Life often gets in the way. So it shouldn’t matter who knows what first. Don’t let jealousy cloud your thoughts and effect your friendship.  The most important thing in any relationships is trust and communication.

Sadly, there are those best friends that have moved on and decided they didn’t want you in their life. The history is always going to be there. Don’t let one decision dictate what the friendship was and wan’t. Try not to be bitter toward those past best friends. They did what was best for them and didn’t mean to hurt you. It was an unavoidable decision. Wish them the best and cherish all the memories you shared.

I’m not sure still be here without the friends in my life. They’re such incredible people and I’m lucky to have them in my life. I always thought I was fine on my own. Growing up as an only child was lonely. It didn’t help that I always felt like the black sheep in my family. There was a time in my childhood where most of my family didn’t even like me. I was bullied because as an only child, they thought I was spoiled and that made them envious. But what they didn’t see was how alone I was. I was never really good at making friends (I’m still not), so I was constantly playing alone or was bullied for being by myself. It wasn’t until I got older that I truly understood the value of friendship. I’m actually still learning because I’m always shocked to learn how I could mean something to someone and how deeply I can care for them as well.

S trust that your best friend(s) is/are your best for a reason. Also, remember that it’s the quality, not the quantity that matter most.