Scatter Brained

That’s me. I swear my mind goes a million random miles per minute. I know everybody is constantly thinking, my problem is that my thoughts are all divided into different subjects all the time. It makes it difficult to focus on any one thing. I’m annoyingly curious about everything. I’m sure I annoy the shit out of people with my constant questions and need for information. The truth of the matter is that I’m afraid that I don’t fully understand and the only way I can understand in my own special way is to ask questions.

I love learning. About everything and anything. I love when someone teaches me something new without being condescending and especially when they’re patient with me. There are so, so many times that I’ll ask a question and then remember a second later that I understand or recall the answer myself. Then I’ll say never mind and that grates on some people’s nerves. I apologize to those people.

There are also times where times I just black out mid-conversation. My attention will be drawn to something surrounding me or a random thought I had but I promise, I’m still listening. Definitely rude of me to just mentally leave the conversation at hand though. It’s kind of difficult to explain. Too many times my need for an answer is immediate. I need to satisfy my curiosity by asking a question or doing something to find an answer. I don’t know why I need to know but I do. For example, I could be having a serious conversation with someone and I’ll randomly wonder how many types of cheeses there are in the world. ADHD? I don’t think so.

My stepmom wanted to have me tested for ADHD at one point. I’m not sure if you can have signs of a disorder but not actually have it. I’m not a doctor. There are times where I think maybe I do have an attention problem but I know if I really try, I can focus on just one thing at a time. Sometimes not for very long but still, I could do it if I had to.

I’m so grateful for the people in my life. They’re patient with me and kind of just got used to having a dozen different conversations at once. Even on a serious matter, being able to jump from one convo to convo is great. I love when good conversations don’t just end. You could be talking about something different and still go back to that one topic again.

Let me tell you though, it is not a good time being such a dope all the time. Sometimes people’s point just goes over my head and that can get frustrating for both parties. I want to understand but sometimes I’m too far in my head to get it. Sometimes people need to spell it out very slowly for me and of course that’s annoying for them.

There are definitely pros and cons.

Dating Step 4: Comfy

Being comfortable in the relationship is important. So important that I’ve mentioned it in every dating step so far. It’s a lot easier said than done. Building the foundation of the relationship takes so much time and effort. Both parties need to constantly put in the work.

And just because you’re comfortable with each other, doesn’t mean that either of you should stop putting in the time and effort. You want to constantly move forward in life, separate but together. Have that trust in each other that both your feelings are still there and that you’re still down for each other even when life places a bunch of obstacles in front of you.

Make sure you’re getting through them together. Don’t stop trying to understand your significant other. There are moments where you or your partner will feel insecure. And that’s okay. It’s natural to not feel yourself all the time. Just make sure you’re communicating that. It’s not always easy. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. Honestly, I don’t think it’s ever easy to bring up and discuss your feelings. There’s never really a “right” time for it. My advice is to just do it sooner rather than later. Make sure your significant other is the first person you tell things to (we get iffy and will absolutely feel some type of way if we’re the second to know things).

The goal is to get to the point in your relationship where you don’t have to question everything all the time. Some things you just know for sure because you know your significant other that well. I think that’s one of the best feelings in the world. Being secure in your relationship. Definitely something every girl wants. Build that security for each other. Be each other strength. And don’t forget that in a relationship, it’s not always 50:50. Sometimes it’s 80:20 or some other ratio. It’s always give and take but there are many times where you need to give more and sometimes you need to take more. Don’t feel bad about that. Just make sure you’re not always doing more of one or the other.

I put a lot of emphasis on this, do not let anyone into your relationship. It’s fine to talk to your family/friends about things and ask for advice but whatever is in your relationship, is between you and your significant other. Your family/friends won’t forget about your temporary feelings of hurt or anger. It can really damage your relationship by letting others have an opinion on it. They’re not dating your significant other, you are. At the end of the day, you need to listen to you gut and make the best decision for you and your partner. But make sure you’re talking about things together and not just making the decision for you both.

“People think that intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them and their response is ‘you’re safe with me’ – that’s intimacy.”

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: A novel by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Dating Step 3: Gettin’ Down and Dirty ;)

Totally kidding, unless you’re into that. I don’t judge.

If it wasn’t completely clear, we’re talking about sex here. With all the talking and dating, eventually it’s going to led to a physical relationship. Not always, but most of the time your relationship is going to advance to the sex aspect. This is a huge part of the intimacy (not the only piece though).

I discussed it previously but communication and comfort is vital, especially when it comes to sex. Make sure you’re comfortable enough in your relationship to discuss sex openly. It’s just another learning aspect of the relationship. You need to talk about what works, what doesn’t, what you like, what they like. Most people just jump into sex and sometimes that just works for them. Sexual chemistry is a huge thing (lol, I’m immature). But seriously, being sexually attracted to someone is important in the relationship.

But don’t get me wrong, sex isn’t always important to people but this post isn’t for those people. I’m definitely not one of them. I couldn’t imagine being with someone that I didn’t want to sleep with. I enjoy sex and I’m not afraid to admit it. So for me, sexual chemistry is right up there as a dealbreaker. And I absolutely need to feel comfortable with my partner. Some guys, don’t take constructive criticism well. Don’t be that guy. I repeat, do not be that guy.

I don’t care if you’ve had sex with dozens of people, what worked before might not always work. Be secure enough to talk about that stuff and change it up! Don’t be afraid to explore together. And more importantly, don’t be afraid to laugh together. Sex should be fun! Experiment and have fun while you’re doing it. Be comfortable enough with your partner to joke around about it afterwards or hell, even during. Don’t be scared that you’re doing something wrong, it’s all a part of learning about each other’s bodies.

I promise you (maybe not everyone) but we do think about the physical relationship and all that goes on. All the good, bad, and hella awkward parts. I always remember pausing to laugh at something or even to stopping in the middle of sex to watch something on the TV for a few and going right back down to business. I loved those moments. I remember them fondly and it always makes me think about my partner (not that I have one anymore, *sigh*).

And the absolute most important thing, do not compare. You might have many relationships and if you’re serious about the person, do not compare them to your experiences before. You’re with a new person. Take that time to learn and share a physical connection with someone that is solely with them. Never compare them to an ex.

Dating Step 2: Issa Dates!

The best conversations are done face to face so take her out on dates!

A lot of people think of dates as pricey but they don’t have to be. Go for a freaking walk, hang out at park, go swing on swings! Sky’s the limit with dates. Ask her out, frequently. Be spontaneous about it but also have dates that are well thought out and planned. Doing a variety of things together can be really fun and you get to create memories that she’ll absolutely smile about later on.

I know that I constantly see things and it’ll remind me of something I did with someone. It doesn’t always have to be romantic. I’ve probably said it a million times but it is so so important to have a good friendship in order to have a good romantic relationship. The best part about a romantic relationship and differs from a friendship is the intimacy.

The most important aspect of intimacy is comfort. Building a level of comfort with each other is so important in opening up to the the intimate aspects of your relationship. Obviously, you do this by communicating and what better way than to go on dates! You can learn so much about someone while on a date. Their reactions, pieces of their personality, how, what, and why they think the way they do. I love going out on dates with a significant other and with friends.

New experiences. That’s what I love about dates. There are so many things I want to do and learn about. For example, I love wolves. And I happened to learn about a wolf-dog sanctuary not too far away. I thought it’d make an awesome date so I planned it and took my significant other (now ex). I remember him telling me afterwards that it was a really cool experience and that he wouldn’t have thought about looking something like the up. I got to do something I really wanted to (which was petting a bunch of wolf-dogs) and I got to share a unique experience with the person I like. I loved that feelings. Exploring and discovering new things and sharing that with someone.

Just a little tangent to prove that dates are important. It helps you build a connection that will go a long way in building a good/happy relationship.

Strange Chronicles 2: 4

You see, people like you amuse me. You go around thinking that you are above, and better than, everyone and acting like your authority can’t be questioned. You think that a great leader is someone who is better than everyone else. But you are ignorant enough to ignore the fact that a great leader is someone who makes everyone else around him better. As much as I would love to insult you right now, I would not do that. Because doing that would mean that I am stooping low to your level of immaturity. I am very sure this isn’t who you used to be. You were a vibrant young kid who wanted to do something great in the world. You were so eager to go into the world and make a difference. You wanted things to be easy for you and your loved ones and you wanted to be the one to make that difference. What changed? Who hurt you? Because somehow, someway, you have missed it. Do you think that vibrant little kid will be happy with who you are right now? Would your parent be happy with the person you become? Would the God you worship be happy with His creation? Why don’t you look in the mirror and be 100% honest with yourself. Why don’t we talk about the hard truth? That you are a very insecure person with egotistical issue who thinks he can always get things to go his way. I don’t know who hurt you at one point in time that made you think you can get revenge on the world. Judging by our time together, you have disappointed me and more importantly, you have disappointed yourself. I don’t want to believe that is who you really are though. I want to believe that there is a good in you. However, what goes around comes around. Funny thing about life is that whatever you give out, it always seem to come back in bigger ways. So for your sake, I am going to hope. I hope you find your peace. I hope you get on your knees and forgive yourself. I hope your loved ones don’t betray you when you need them the most. I hope the people in positions above you don’t use their powers to destroy you simply because of things that you can’t control. And most importantly, I hope you become a better person that this world needs and not the type that brings tears to his loved ones. I hope it makes you happy that you made me sad. Congratulations!! Again, I won’t insult you. However, karma is something I can’t control and I am sure that life will do its thing.

Greetings from my beloved ex,

Stranger.

Strange Chronicle 2: 3

Dark times. Those are the times when nothing makes sense anymore. The times when you just can’t help but ask why it’s all happening to you. The times when it feels like the walls are caving in on you. These are the times when it feels lonely. And don’t you just hate the fact that no one really truly feel what you feel inside? However, these are the times when we have to dig deep in order to find something to hold on to, in order not to lose who we are. It’s never easy, but whatever we hold on to is what will keep us afloat during the test of time. What if we all feel empty inside? If so, we should all be able to support each other even if we don’t fully understand the feelings, right?. We can be there for each other. No matter the troubles or the problems, we can support each other through it all. Thorns, storms, whatever it is , we can be there for each other.

But in order to save someone else, I have to save myself. Unfortunately, they don’t understand. So am just going to be alone and alienate myself from the world and just hope. Hope, as time passes and the tears roll down my cheeks. These are my dark times, my dark moments, my dark thoughts, my dark flaws. But will I let these times define me? No. I will rise. I will fight. And I will conquer. It’s never too late but you have to give all you have from this moment. With focus and determination, you should pick yourself up, dust yourself up, lace yourself up, and strive for the top. And no, don’t give up until the day you are able to say with full pride and happiness……. I made it

Grazie, Stranger.

Readers!

I just wanted to post a quick thank you, old and new! I’ve been getting a lot of traffic lately and it’s an awesome feeling. I love writing and I know the Stranger does too. We both appreciate the support and hope to continue reaching more people!

I’m definitely going to try to incorporate more images and other media. There may be some new pages coming soon!

In the meantime, if there’s ever a topic that you’d like to read about, don’t be shy. Contact me, I’d love to write about it and maybe the Stranger would too!