Just a Memory

I was out a couple of weeks ago and I saw a handful of people I used to know so well and used to be so close to. And it breaks my fucking heart that we outgrew each other.
I didn’t even say hi because I barely recognized them and I doubt they would’ve remembered me. There are so many friendships in my life that just faded out. Everyone graduated high school and all the time we spent together seemed to be forgotten. And then high school ended for me and more friendships got lost. I hate that.

I hate that the amount of time you spend with someone eventually doesn’t matter. If you’re meant to grow apart you do. And unless both parties are putting in the effort to keep that friendship alive, there’s no use. There’s no saving a friendship that’s run its course. It’s just rough remembering these amazing friendships that meant so much to you during a period of your life, and now you’re just strangers again.

My closest friendships are from high school and I’m thankful every day of my life that they’re still just a text/call away. Sadly, that’s not the same for the other friendships in my life.
In middle school, I had a large group of friends that just seemed to grow a little bigger every year. They’d come over to my house to hang out every single day. Even when they got to high school (I was the youngest by a good two years). Every fucking day, even if I didn’t want them there. It didn’t matter. They were there and they were like family to me. They spent more time with me than anybody those days. I couldn’t get rid of them even if I tried. I loved it, loved them. They were my precious friends that I stupidly believed would be in my life forever.

On a random day, I was going through old photos, looking for a really funny photo of my cousin I remember I had saved somewhere (I didn’t find it in case you’re wondering). But I did find all the photos of us all. Silly ones, crazy ones, ones that told stories of our adventures. I lived an entire lifetime with this group, yet somehow, I forgot. I got so caught up in my own shit.

The saddest part about it all was that I didn’t realize we were drifting apart. The days just got busier, all of our friendships with others grew deeper, we stopped seeing each other, then stopped the text messages. Everyone just slowly faded from each other’s lives. As naturally has those friendships came about, it seemed to fade away naturally too. I even forgot about how much they meant to me until I saw them. I got caught up in my own life then I didn’t trust that our friendship was strong enough to withstand time so I didn’t say anything. I felt like a stranger that had no right to ask them how they were or what was going on in their lives. I’m now just the person they used to be friends with.

I had an incredible friendship with each person in our ever-growing group and it was awesome! Maybe that’s why I forgot. One was like a sister to me. One needed me to be an anchor for them. One was my anchor. One showed me it was okay to just be myself. One gave me courage. One taught me fearlessness. One could make me laugh no matter what. One made me smarter. One was my partner in crime! One stepped on my heart over and over again. One made sure I didn’t feel so alone in the world. One loved me and wanted forever. One taught me so much about myself and I never got to say thank you. Those friendships were carved into the depths of my heart and it fucking hurts that we’re not in each other’s lives anymore. So it was easier to just… forget.
People grow and change. They get busier as they mature. Daily conversations become once in a while checkups until they just stop. It sucks, but it’s life. We’re constantly growing and becoming better versions of ourselves (hopefully). But those friendships that might have been left in the past helped shape the person you are. I’m more confident in myself and I would have no issue reaching out to any of them now but I’m happy with my life. I’m not going to disrupt everything I know. I love my small group of friends and they have withstood time. These strong bonds are the only ones I want to focus on. Still, I hope those past friends are doing well and that they’ve found their happiness.